Fat Loaf

I hate places like this.

The "cooking" at Fat Loaf is laughable. When first seated, near the open "kitchen", what was the first thing we saw? Four...count 'em....four microwaves mounted on the walls of the "kitchen". They remained in constant use during our meal.....which considering the abysmal level of cooking, should come as no surprise.

We started with the "Chef's Platter".....a bit amusing, as I doubt there was a qualified "chef" within 200 yards of the place:-) Out came a board with two left-over-from-the-70s deep-fried cheese balls, an utterly tasteless terrine, some pickled vegetables and a mini loaf of "rye" bread, that tasted absolutely nothing like rye (hint to the owners...when cooking rye bread, there is one secret ingredient to use: rye flour...you should try it). This reminded me of the worst memories of the tired old places in Brighton back in the dark days of British "cuisine"

We then tried the mushroom soup. While it looked good, I can honestly say that this was the most tasteless concoction I have ever had the displeasure to sample. In fact, it would almost take skill to cook anything with mushrooms and have it taste of so little.

Mains were a bit better. The skirt steak was fine, but the "slow cooked lamb" was about as bland as lamb can possibly be. Edible, but exactly what you'd get if you simply put a piece of lamb in the oven and turned on the oven. No cooking skill exhibited...no detectable seasoning.....just a piece of lamb that had been heated in the oven. There are no chefs in this place, simply assemblers, warmers-up, and microwave operators.

A smooth, oily man, after we'd ordered a bottle of champagne (an overpriced, second-tier label...the only one they have on their wine list), asked "And would you like some water on the table?". You could tell he'd learned over the years that this was a sure way to bump up the bill, as who will risk looking cheap by answering "no" in front of a guest. The fact that we didn't ASK for any water didn't matter, of course. Generally, if I want something, I ask for it, and don't need any suggestive selling to help me along. The Mrs. said "Just a glass of still water please". Naturally, within moments the guy re-appears with a bottle of water, looking a bit smug.

Now I don't mind playing "The Water Game" in a good restaurant. If they are really so hard up that they have to huckster their bottled water, so be it. But in a place with the most bland, insipid food I've had in Manchester, it really irked me.

In short, I'd say this was probably the worst quality of cooking I've had in a Manchester restaurant.
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Adam Roberts
Overall rating
Food 2 | Service 3 | Atmosphere 5 | Value for money 1
Friday, April 24, 2009